Tell Your Story

You know when you read a story, and it deeply inspires you or completely captivates your imagination, right?  You can relate to the characters, people who, despite their defects, eventually learn from their mistakes, realize their hidden potential, and eventually become the hero.  You discover a cohesive theme throughout the story that ties all the anecdotes together.  You thrill at the adventure and suspense, causing you to wonder what on earth is going to happen next and how in the world could these tangled situations ever be resolved.  You are surprised by plot twists along the way, shocking events that are completely unexpected.  And of course, you love a happy ending when everything puzzling and inexplicable suddenly makes sense. 

So what if part of the story was missing?  Would you want to read a book with the words, Once upon a time . . . they lived happily ever after.  Of course not. That’s not a story at all!

But that’s exactly what happens in real life when you only tell the good stuff.  When you say, Praise the Lord! or God is so good! – the happily ever after part, but skip over the dark and the messy and the tragic and the impossible.  When you leave out your character flaws and fears and heartaches and doubts.  When you jump to the happy ending without ever explaining what you have learned along the way, or without describing the winding road you took to get this place.

Fighting the Darkness

Let’s be honest.  There are some seasons that are just dark.  Seasons when everything in life seems broken and the attacks from the enemy seem to be persistent and unrelenting.  Relationships are strained or altogether broken.  The chains of addictions and mental illness are impossible to break.  The finances are stretched to the very limit.  The medical diagnosis is not good.  The prodigal child has not returned.  And perhaps the most disheartening of all, is that in the midst of all of it, despite our most fervent, heart-felt, tear-stained prayers, God seems to be silent.

It is no wonder that during these seasons of darkness, we are filled with disappointment and discouragement and doubts.  And sometimes, in the bleakest moments, we are tempted to despair.

When everything around us and inside us is dark, where can we find light?  In the middle of the harshest, blackest night, how can find the spark, even the tiniest ray, that will help us keep moving forward, looking to the future with hope?

Romans 13:12 says, Let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light.  Cast off the works of darkness.  Perhaps, then, the darkness is not something that we are resigned to endure.  Perhaps the darkness is something we need to fight!  Something we can – and should – cast off!  How do we cast off the darkness?  By putting on the armor of light!

What is the armor of light, and where can we find it? Psalms 119:105 gives us the answer: Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a LIGHT to my path.  It’s his Word!  His Word is light!  Yes, this means that His Word gives us direction and guidance, light for our path. We often read and study His Word, asking for wisdom about what we should do or how we should live or where we should go. But it also means that His Word IS light.  And it gives light – clarity and hope and expectancy into those darkest, most hopeless moments.  When the darkness seems to be winning, when the disappointment and discouragement and doubts close in and threaten to suffocate us, His Word becomes our light. It becomes the source of our faith.

So if God’s Word is our armor of light, how do we put it on?  Ephesians 6:17-18 tells us how:  Take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.  When we read God’s Word, when we study it and memorize it, believing that every one of God’s promises are true, it becomes to us a very effective and powerful tool. We can use it just as we would use a sword.  We can wield it against the attacks of the enemy.  We can use it to pierce through the deepest darkness.

When we think, this is impossible!  We pick up that sword and say, with God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)  When we feel weak and powerless and paralyzed with fear, we pick up that sword and say, with God we shall do valiantly!  (Psalms 60:12).  When we don’t know what to do or where to go or how to move forward, we pick up that sword and say, Yes, there may be many things I do not know, but I do know that God keeps His promises:  I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.  (Isaiah 42:6)

We say it and we choose to believe it.  And when we do, the light shines into the darkness, and the darkness will not overcome it.  (John 1:5) When we believe, the light wins!

We live in a broken world.  A world where we do experience affliction and hardship and adversity. We do face seasons of darkness when God seems silent and we are disheartened and discouraged.  

But we are not helpless.  We do not need to despair.  We have a powerful weapon, the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. May we use that weapon to cast off the works of darkness.  May we read it and study it and memorize it and meditate on it and hide it deep within our hearts.  May we put on the armor of light!

For it is YOU who light my lamp.

The Lord my God lightens my darkness

(Psalms 18:28)

I Will!

We don’t always feel like reaching for nutritious vegetables.  Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get off the couch and go to the gym.  We purposefully turn off the screen so that we can climb into bed and get the sleep that our bodies need.  And when we do, when the self-discipline is more powerful than the self-indulgence, when we act in spite of our feelings, we are so much better for it!  We are healthier and stronger and better able to face the daily challenges and responsibilities that lie before us.

If this is true for our physical well-being, how much more is it true for our spiritual well-being.  We may not always feel like praising and worshipping and singing for joy. So often we get into the habit of coming before the Lord with our needs and our requests and petitions – which we absolutely should! – that it is takes an effort, a purpose in our hearts, to enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.  To give thanks to Him and bless His name.  (Psalms 100:4)

Breaking Chains

It is one of those seasons when everything seems impossible.  The circumstances are so overwhelming, so thoroughly insurmountable, there is absolutely nothing I can do.  

Right in the middle of this dark and terrible time, I imagine chains, huge iron chains, breaking apart and falling off. Remember the apostle Peter in that dark prison so long ago?  In the middle of the night, at the very moment that the church is earnestly praying for him, an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in that dark cell. Immediately the chains that bound him fell to the ground and he was set free!

If God can miraculously break the physical chains that held Peter captive in that dark prison cell, surely that same powerful God can miraculously break the spiritual chains that are holding me prisoner in this darkness.

Healing the Wounded

It takes courage just to get out of bed.  To leave the house, start the car, and drive, knowing there will be people there.  To bravely walk into church or into the Small Group meeting or into that room where other believers are studying the Bible or laughing over a cup of coffee.  The struggle is huge.  Oh, how everything in life seems to be crumbling into nothing, and it’s impossible to make sense of any of it.

But speak up?  Let someone else know what’s really happening behind the closed doors at home?  Why?  How?  The other people sit there, all perfect and happy, apparently with no struggles of their own.  How could any of them possibly understand?

In a moment of weakness, at the risk of discovery and humiliation, there is the slightest transparency.  The tiniest hint of honesty.  A tear that sneaks out without warning.  A sliver of truth that there is a battle that rages in the heart, a battle where faith is being trampled and fear is overwhelmingly victorious.  And not just fear.  Guilt.  Discouragement.  Hopelessness.  Pain.

And what is the response?  How do God’s people react when the smile is peeled back and the wounds are exposed? 

Perhaps a promise to pray.  Or an offer of a book that might be useful.  A Bible verse that might provide some encouragement.  A recommendation for a counselor or a support group or a pastor.  Someone else more qualified, with more training, with more Bible knowledge, who might be able to give advice. 

Those responses?  Those are the good ones.  Those come from the people who think they are being helpful.  The conversation ends, the wounded one retreats, still hurting, still broken, still alone.

Oh, but there are much worse reactions.  No words of encouragement or helpful suggestions.  There is only judgement.  Condemnation.  Accusations.  Insinuations that the current situation is a result of foolish choices.  Too bad.  The problems are much too big.  Too messy.  Too disruptive to the perfect lives that have been so skillfully constructed.  This?  When this conversation ends, the wounded one retreats, angry and even more confused, vowing never again to be vulnerable.  Never again to allow the wounds to be exposed.

So what is the right reaction?  When the struggle is evident and the pain is agonizing and the planned life unravels into broken threads and faith is nearly depleted.  How should God’s people respond?  How can they care for the one who is hurting?

This Unexpected Path

The road was the one less traveled.  At first, at the first step of departure from the main thoroughfare, it seemed bold and adventurous to take that turn in the path, and maybe even a little bit ambitious.  Who wouldn’t want to aspire to the heights?  It was sort of cool to brave unchartered territory where most people dare not go.  To be a nonconformist.¹

And honestly, despite the inherent risk involved, it has mostly been worth it.  It has awakened courage and valor that may otherwise have remained dormant.  There have been moments of the miraculous, when everything seemed impossible and God intervened, unexpectedly and heroically.  The view along the way has been unparalleled!

And yet, the twists and turns in the road, which at first seemed exciting, often times became daunting and terrifying, causing the entire endeavor to seem foolhardy and reckless.  Wouldn’t it have been much more prudent to stay on the marked trail, the one that is known and predictable and safe?

This road, the one that has few maps and even fewer guideposts, has required numerous decisions.  Each step has required guessing.  Which way is right?  What if this has all been a mistake?  What if, at the end, not one expectation has been met?  Not one goal reached? 

When It Doesn't Add Up

Solving simple math equations is usually straightforward.  If I want to know the sides of a 90° triangle, then using the formula

a² + b² = c²

will work every time.  And if I need to figure out the area of a circle, the right equation is always going to be

A = π Ÿ r².

I’ve always loved math for its simplicity and predictability.  Its consistency.  If I know the correct formula to use, I will, with certainty, be able to anticipate the outcome.

Oh, if only life was an uncomplicated mathematical formula, reliable and measurable.  If only it was as easy to figure out as

x + y = z

I mean, if I am careful to do x and am faithful to do y, then I can surely expect that the results will be z, right?  A+.  Happily ever after.  The end.

There are, indeed, some reliable formulas I can use.  Some basic principles that are generally tried and proven to be safe.  Some of these equations are even found in the Bible.  They are good, solid guideposts for making decisions and determining the direction of my life.  For example, one such formula is:

Obedience = Blessing

This is, after all, one of the first promises from God.  In the first book of the Bible, the Lord says to Cain, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?” (Genesis 4:7)  I love the possibility of it!  It’s so attainable and unmistakably clear.  If I do what is right, if I make wise choices and do my best to be honest and moral and good, I will be accepted.  God will be pleased, and of course if God is pleased, then He will pour out His blessing upon my life!

And the book of Deuteronomy is completely filled with similar equations . . .

“All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 28:2)

“If you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today – to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, then . . .” (Deuteronomy 11:13).   And the list of blessings is numerous:  long life for you and for your children, rain in its season, fruitful harvests and enough food to be fully satisfied, victory over your enemies, and strength to accomplish what God has called you to do.  What an amazing list of promises for those who obey!

Obedience = Blessing.  I like that formula!  Or rather, I used to like that formula.  Until it didn’t really work for me.  Until my experiences proved it unreliable and inconsistent.  Until it didn’t quite add up.

Comfort Food for the Soul

Ingredient #1:  Hope

That’s where it all begins: with Hope.  Hopes and dreams and soaring expectations of living happily ever after.  Hope for a soul-mate who will always cherish and whose affections will never waiver.  Who will whole-heartedly nurture the children, and will thank God for the blessing of family.  Dreams of children who grow up to become responsible young adults, and who love the Lord with all their heart.  Who will honor and respect the ones who raised them.  Fully expecting that life will include financial stability, successful career, dynamic ministries, strong health, faithful friends, supportive family.

Hopes, however, have a way of not turning out exactly as expected. Somewhere in the process they can be broken, crushed, and scrambled, until they take on a different form altogether.  Barely recognizable as the dreams they once were.  Hopes fail.

Treasures of Darkness

Once upon a time, long, long ago, I was happy.  Or at least, I thought I was happy.  Everything in my life was bright and magical, just how I imagined it should be.  My days were well-ordered.  My home was well-kept.  My children were well-behaved.  Life wasn’t perfect, of course, but every day brimmed with possibility and there was almost always a reason to smile.  What could be better?  What more could I possibly want?

I barely noticed the dark, ominous clouds looming on the distant horizon.  Clouds that threatened dangerous and violent storms.  The first hint of worry trembled in my heart, but I ignored it, convinced that my family and I could weather anything just fine.  After all, I was confident and capable.  It would take more than a summer shower to quench my happiness.

It began with tiny droplets of water, a fine mist of disappointments that really were not all that significant if I compared them to all of the blessings in my life.  But then the splattering rain began to come faster and stronger, quickly forming deep puddles and rushing streams of runoff.  Broken dreams with no possibility of ever being realized.  A precious, beloved relationship that became strained, and I asked myself over and over again what went wrong.   A dreaded medical diagnosis that caused fear to stampede through my veins.  A searing, devastating loss that shattered my heart into millions of pieces.  It wasn’t long before the light sprinkling rain became a downpour, a deluge of wind and driving rain, and I could no longer pretend that I was happy.  My well-ordered, well-planned life was gone.  There would never be a happily ever after.

Awaken Me

In a stark contrast to the brightness of the dawn, the cloudy thoughts are bleak and cheerless.  Listless.  The long list of duties is almost paralyzing.  Where should the day even start?  How is it possible to prioritize?  An underweight, failure to thrive baby who requires hours and hours to feed.  And still loses weight.  A busy preschooler who needs direction and training and attention.  Without constant supervision, the messes and chaos quickly take over the house.  A sulky teenager, whose disrespectful words are like arrows piercing the heart, who needs patience and lovingkindness.  And help with a term paper.  An empty refrigerator that needs to be filled.  Loads and loads of dirty clothes that need to be laundered.  E-mails and phone calls that need responses.  Bills that need to be paid.  The responsibilities are burdensome, overwhelming and disheartening.  How can one person possibly accomplish all of this?

The temptation is to retreat, to stay in bed and hope, somehow, that the children will raise and educate themselves.  That the house will clean itself and the meals will prepare themselves.  Of course that is completely unrealistic.  There really is no other option except to inhale deeply, summon whatever meager reserve of strength can be found, and face the day. 

But surely there is more to life than just surviving through the endless to-do lists.  Than simply responding to the most pressing, most urgent demands. Than merely going through the motions with only a sense of duty and obligation.  Surely that old refrain, the one in minor key with the haunting words that get stuck, surely it can be replaced with a hymn of praise.

Lord, please awaken these lips.  Fill them with a new song.

I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. – Psalm 40:1-3

Nothing

Long, long ago, long before I was born, He was writing my story.  Writing each page with precision, wisdom and passion.  It was a beautiful biography, a grand adventure, one that would include a damsel in distress, a valiant hero, a daring rescue.  And eventually, although it has not yet happened, it will include a “happily ever after.” It is ironic, therefore, that my testimony, the theme of my story, can be summarized in one unlikely word: “Nothing.”

Defeated

Today’s path has been long, steep, and treacherous.   Discouragement, my archenemy, has crouched behind every bend, attacking without warning, releasing a barrage of deadly arrows that have severely wounded. I lay my head down, bruised and bleeding, out of breath from running.  Weariness from the unrelenting battle drives away all thought except rest.  Please, please, let there be a reprieve this night.

But no.  The crushing Despair, that hostile foe who is determined to destroy, continues to pursue, refusing to back down.  In the loud stillness of the night, it senses that this warrior is weakened, and seizes the opportunity to advance.  Accusing, mocking, belittling. 

I know my opponent is close.  I can feel the cold breath on my neck and smell its stench.  Always near, always ready to ambush.  I am terrified that I will lose the battle this time.  That Distress is too powerful of an adversary for me to overcome.  It is so tempting to surrender.  To just give up.  To be defeated.

Enough

Every day, almost without exception, the thoughts murmur through my mind.  Scoffing.  Criticizing.  Accusing.  “You aren’t good enough.  You aren’t wise enough.  You aren’t holy enough.  Why don’t you just give up?  After all these years of trying and struggling to become a better person, what do you have to show for yourself?  How much progress have you made?  Are you any more mature or godly today than you were yesterday?  Just admit it:  you will never be enough.”

It’s like I have this cup.  A cup that I made with my own hands.  It is cracked and stained and ugly.  It once brimmed with idealistic hopes and ambitious aspirations.  Now, there is nothing in it.  It has been drained by the harsh realities of just trying to survive this life.  A life that sometimes includes disease, difficulties, disappointments, discouragement.  My cup is empty.  I have nothing to offer.¹  The striving.  The efforts and energy that never seems to amount to anything.  Is it true?  Will it ever be enough?  Will I ever be enough?

Once again, as I have done so many times before, I come before the Lord, offering Him my empty cup.  And El Shaddai², the All-Sufficient One, fills it with Himself.

Broken Promises

She used to be fun.  Every time I would see her, she would have recently had an adventure with her kids, or was eagerly planning the next one.  The local zoo, the children’s museum, the nearby farm, the water park.  Her scrapbooks were full of her kids’ sporting events, dance recitals, school plays, and birthday parties.  She was the mother everyone wishes they could be.

Not anymore.  The joy is gone.  Now she is in a dark, oppressive, terrifying place.  It’s as if she has been tossed into the bottom of a deep hole, with no way of ever emerging.  No hope of ever seeing daylight again.  Now it takes every ounce of effort just to get out of bed each morning.  She struggles through the days, counting the hours until her husband gets home from work and can take over the simple routines and responsibilities that, for her, have become insurmountable and nearly impossible.

She sits next to me in the kitchen, a mere shadow of the woman she used to be.  “I can’t,” she cries, the tears streaming down her pale face.  “I can’t accept that this is God’s plan for me.  Why is He allowing this to happen?  Why does He hate me?”

A Healthy Heart

The slate of a new year stands fresh and clean before me.  What new promises to myself will I write on it?

I should write, “Eat healthier.”  I meant to do that, and for the first few days I even succeeded.  Selecting nutritious foods.  Exercising self-control.  But then, as I stood in the checkout line at my favorite little market, I noticed them.  The papery-thin dark chocolate almond cookies.  Well, there went my resolve.  Mmmmm!  They were worth every delicious calorie!

I should write, “Exercise more” on that little list.  I do enjoy being outside, and generally I try to exercise a few times a week.  But alas, the temperature has dropped well below freezing, the wind has become bitter, and the sidewalks are now slippery with a slick icy coat.  Much too treacherous for exercise.  Somehow the cozy chair next to my fireplace seems much more inviting.  And besides, I need to stay indoors where I can finish off that box of papery-thin dark chocolate almond cookies.  So much for a healthy start to my new year.  Sigh.

And that’s just the physical goals.  The aspirations that relate to the temporary things, like the body’s health, are really not that essential when compared to all of eternity.  So what about my spiritual health?  Are my heart and soul becoming fit?  Sometimes I feel stuck.  You know, like I am still struggling with the same “issues” today that needed work 25 years ago.  How can I grow?  How can I continue to become more like Christ?  Maybe if I just try harder, or have more will-power and self-discipline.  Then maybe I could get past the first few days of sticking to my resolutions.

A Quest for Peace

Before the eyes even open, it’s there.  Lingering, menacing, its approaching darkness threateningly close.  It’s a storm cloud that descends without warning, casting a dark gloominess across the day ahead.  Hope’s radiance may be struggling to shine through, but it is completely hidden in the shadows.

This ominous cloud may be Regret.  It is heavy with the tremendous weight of guilt, taunting its reminders of past decisions.  Roads that seemed innocuous and safe in the beginning, but with every step, every twist and turn, have long since led to a place of unintended consequences.  There is no going back.  That time can never be redeemed, and Regret is ever present, mocking and ridiculing the foolishness of yesterday.

Perhaps the foreboding cloud is Fear.  Facing an unknown future, feeling thoroughly unprepared and ill equipped.  This frightening cloud warns of impending storms, a deluge that threatens to consume, causing horrendous damage and destruction. What if the imagination’s worst nightmare indeed happens?  What about that possible scenario?  How will the heart be able to bear it?  The anxiety of such thoughts can be paralyzing.

Sometimes the cloud is simply Weariness.  The difficult circumstances of yesterday remain here today.  The battles that were fought so valiantly at the beginning have now become overwhelming and futile.  What’s the use of continuing the fight when nothing ever seems to change?  Not the slightest sign of victory is in sight.

The thoughts, the thoughts, the thoughts.  Like frightened rabbits, they bound across the meadow of the mind, first darting one way before turning suddenly and dashing in a completely different direction. They continue to scurry, frantically racing and whirling.  Never resting.  Will peace, that elusive tranquility and contentment so earnestly sought, ever be found?