Treasures of Darkness

Once upon a time, long, long ago, I was happy.  Or at least, I thought I was happy.  Everything in my life was bright and magical, just how I imagined it should be.  My days were well-ordered.  My home was well-kept.  My children were well-behaved.  Life wasn’t perfect, of course, but every day brimmed with possibility and there was almost always a reason to smile.  What could be better?  What more could I possibly want?

I barely noticed the dark, ominous clouds looming on the distant horizon.  Clouds that threatened dangerous and violent storms.  The first hint of worry trembled in my heart, but I ignored it, convinced that my family and I could weather anything just fine.  After all, I was confident and capable.  It would take more than a summer shower to quench my happiness.

It began with tiny droplets of water, a fine mist of disappointments that really were not all that significant if I compared them to all of the blessings in my life.  But then the splattering rain began to come faster and stronger, quickly forming deep puddles and rushing streams of runoff.  Broken dreams with no possibility of ever being realized.  A precious, beloved relationship that became strained, and I asked myself over and over again what went wrong.   A dreaded medical diagnosis that caused fear to stampede through my veins.  A searing, devastating loss that shattered my heart into millions of pieces.  It wasn’t long before the light sprinkling rain became a downpour, a deluge of wind and driving rain, and I could no longer pretend that I was happy.  My well-ordered, well-planned life was gone.  There would never be a happily ever after.

God, why have You led me to this dark, lonely, desolate place?  I know that You work all things together for good, but how can this discouragement, this despair be for my good?  Do You not want me to be happy?  Do You not hear my prayers?  I have cried out to You again and again, and yet day after day, year after year, You remain silent.

And unexpectedly, in the silence, in the shadows, I hear His still small voice . . .

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD . . .  who summons you by name. 

(Isaiah 45:3)

Treasures of darkness?  Can it be true?  Could it really be that there are riches stored for me in this secret place?  Perhaps, if I am still, if I look beyond the gray clouds and the pouring rain, I will be able to see the treasures that He has in mind, the riches that He means for me to find.

Treasure #1:  Purity

Just as gems don’t become pure and beautiful and valuable without heat and pressure, He knows what it takes to make me holy.  He knows that I need to be purified from self-reliance, independence and pride.  That I tend to forget how much I need Him when things are going well, when everything is organized and is going according to plan.

And so things fall apart.  He knowingly, lovingly leads me into situations that are completely out of my control.  Where there is nothing I can do to change my circumstances.  No wisdom I can offer.  No skills or abilities that I can rely on.  My hands are completely empty, and I realize that I have no gifts to offer Him.  And He shows me that it isn’t my works, my performance, and my “offerings” that He wants after all.  He wants me.  My undivided heart.  My unwavering faith.  He is using the storm to make me pure.

You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it; I, the Lord, have created it.

(Isaiah 45:8)

Treasure #2:  Perspective

My goals and plans may fail.  But that’s okay.  Any satisfaction from success never really satisfies for very long anyway.  Relationships may crumble.  People who are dear to me may crush my heart.  Of course I am heart-broken, devastated by the loss.  But in the unspeakable grief and sorrow, I am amazed to find that indeed, God is sufficient for my every need.  He is enough.   When the darkness is so black and that I cannot see, when there is nothing left that I can rely on, My eyes are learning to focus on Him alone.  And I find that His words resonate in my heart:

I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you . . . so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other.

(Isaiah 45:5-6)

Treasure #3:  Preparation

I have no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring.  The events of my days are completely in His hands.

I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.

(Isaiah 45:7)

Perhaps the Lord is preparing me for more darkness, more days of utter helplessness when I will be tempted to feel defeated and lose hope.  In those moments of desperation, may I remember that He is sufficient.  That He is faithful.  That He is good.

It could be that He is preparing me for a season of miracles and dreams coming true, victory in the battles, accomplishment of goals.  He knows that in order to be ready for that time, I first need to be humble.  Humble and broken, fully trusting and believing that it is His work, His accomplishment, His victory.

No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter what He has in store for me – light or darkness, prosperity or disaster - I know that He is using today’s showers to prepare me to face it.

Treasure #4:  Peace

Oh, the pressure and burden of trying to be good enough, competent enough, happy enough!  It is a relentless pursuit, an impossible load.  My efforts were never quite adequate.  The need to perform is never satisfied.

And so the Lord, in His abundant mercy, led me into the darkness.  Into a place where I could finally understand that I was carrying a weight that He never intended for me to carry.  He is reminding me that He is the God of the universe, fully in control of every detail, not only of the whole cosmos, but also of my life.  I can trust Him to accomplish His purposes in miraculous ways and in the ordinary.  When I remember that He is the Almighty, and when I humbly surrender the details of my life into His capable hands, there I find the most beautiful, the most precious treasure of all: peace!

Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.

(Luke 1:78-79)

I thought that He had forgotten me.  That I was being abandoned when I needed Him the most.  That maybe, just maybe, God had stopped being good.  At last I am beginning to understand that He led me into this darkness because He is good.  Because He loves me.  Because He knows that there are valuable riches here that I never would have been able to find any other way.

He has not deserted me after all.  All along, when the storm has threatened to consume me and to quench all hope, He has been right here with me.  He has been lovingly, generously offering me treasures of darkness.