Defeated

Today’s path has been long, steep, and treacherous.   Discouragement, my archenemy, has crouched behind every bend, attacking without warning, releasing a barrage of deadly arrows that have severely wounded. I lay my head down, bruised and bleeding, out of breath from running.  Weariness from the unrelenting battle drives away all thought except rest.  Please, please, let there be a reprieve this night.

But no.  The crushing Despair, that hostile foe who is determined to destroy, continues to pursue, refusing to back down.  In the loud stillness of the night, it senses that this warrior is weakened, and seizes the opportunity to advance.  Accusing, mocking, belittling. 

I know my opponent is close.  I can feel the cold breath on my neck and smell its stench.  Always near, always ready to ambush.  I am terrified that I will lose the battle this time.  That Distress is too powerful of an adversary for me to overcome.  It is so tempting to surrender.  To just give up.  To be defeated.

I suddenly remember something that I had momentarily forgotten.  What am I doing, hiding in fear, trying to fight off Darkness with only my bravado and my bare hands?  I am not defenseless.  I have a very powerful weapon that I can use.  Right here in my hand I hold my double-edged sword, the one that my Father gave me.¹ 

I know that I am not a heroine.  I am just a weak, battle-weary warrior, an unskilled amateur.   But Defeat doesn’t need to know that.  I can at least pick up my sword and endeavor to wield it, no matter how ungraceful and awkward it may seem.

“Halt!” I call out into the night, with my most valiant attempt to sound stronger and braver than I feel.  “Halt in the name of the King!”  At the sound of my voice, my courage is bolstered the tiniest bit, and I realize, yes, I am the child of the King!  Why should I be afraid?

“Why do you always pursue me?” I continue, slightly louder and more confident this time.  “We have had many skirmishes before, and I have the scars to prove it.  Yes, you may have captured me in previous battles, holding me prisoner in your vicious grip, but not this time.  I am free now, free indeed!²  You have no power over me.”

And why have I forgotten?  I do not have to fight this battle alone!  The Lord is my strength and my shield.³  I look up and breathe silent thanks:  “Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle.  He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge.”⁴

I challenge Discouragement once again, firm and courageous and bold.  “Don’t you see this strong shield I have?  Your cruelest and most violent attacks don’t stand a chance against it.  I know your devious tactics, and I am learning how to defend myself against them.  You lie, accusing me of things that are not true, blaming me for things I have not done.”

“Well, actually,” I concede reluctantly, “some of what you say is right.  I admit that I have made many mistakes, and have deep regret for things that I wish I had done differently.  Things that I will never be able to undo.  But I have been forgiven, so your accusations are empty.  God has given me Peace to guard my heart and mind⁵.  It is a gift that I cling to tenaciously.  It is a gift that I promise, I resolve, you will not ever steal.

“I can feel you pressing in on me, Darkness, but I will not be crushed by you.  I may be confused and perplexed, but I refuse to despair.  You may ambush me at every turn, striking me when I least expect it.  But I know that my God will never abandon me.  You will not destroy me.⁶

“I am not a victim. . . I am a victor.  A conqueror!⁷  Your siege may continue.  I will need to be steadfast, remaining alert for the onslaught of your attacks that are sure to come.  But know this, Despair:  I will not retreat.  You will not prevail.  Even now you are being vanquished.  This I assure you . . . you will be defeated.”

1.             Hebrews 4:12 – “The Word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow;  it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

2.             John 8:36 – “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

3.             “Psalm 28:7 – “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.”

4.             Psalm 144:1-2

5.             Philippians 4:7 – “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

6.             2 Corinthians 4:8-9 – We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

7.             Romans 8:37 – “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”