When It Doesn't Add Up

Solving simple math equations is usually straightforward.  If I want to know the sides of a 90° triangle, then using the formula

a² + b² = c²

will work every time.  And if I need to figure out the area of a circle, the right equation is always going to be

A = π Ÿ r².

I’ve always loved math for its simplicity and predictability.  Its consistency.  If I know the correct formula to use, I will, with certainty, be able to anticipate the outcome.

Oh, if only life was an uncomplicated mathematical formula, reliable and measurable.  If only it was as easy to figure out as

x + y = z

I mean, if I am careful to do x and am faithful to do y, then I can surely expect that the results will be z, right?  A+.  Happily ever after.  The end.

There are, indeed, some reliable formulas I can use.  Some basic principles that are generally tried and proven to be safe.  Some of these equations are even found in the Bible.  They are good, solid guideposts for making decisions and determining the direction of my life.  For example, one such formula is:

Obedience = Blessing

This is, after all, one of the first promises from God.  In the first book of the Bible, the Lord says to Cain, “If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?” (Genesis 4:7)  I love the possibility of it!  It’s so attainable and unmistakably clear.  If I do what is right, if I make wise choices and do my best to be honest and moral and good, I will be accepted.  God will be pleased, and of course if God is pleased, then He will pour out His blessing upon my life!

And the book of Deuteronomy is completely filled with similar equations . . .

“All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God.” (Deuteronomy 28:2)

“If you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today – to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul, then . . .” (Deuteronomy 11:13).   And the list of blessings is numerous:  long life for you and for your children, rain in its season, fruitful harvests and enough food to be fully satisfied, victory over your enemies, and strength to accomplish what God has called you to do.  What an amazing list of promises for those who obey!

Obedience = Blessing.  I like that formula!  Or rather, I used to like that formula.  Until it didn’t really work for me.  Until my experiences proved it unreliable and inconsistent.  Until it didn’t quite add up.

I am such a good girl.  A people pleaser.  A rule-follower.  I have always been hesitant – afraid, even – to do the wrong thing, to not measure up to God’s expectations of me.  My heart’s desire is to obey.  To “do what is right.”

So . . . where is the blessing?  Where is the happily ever after?  Where is the joy?  Instead of peace, why is my heart, instead, filled with fear and anxiety, guilt and shame?  Why am I so profoundly disappointed?  It’s like, Hey, God, I held up my end of the equation, why didn’t You?

I have faithfully read my Bible and prayed and served at church . . . why aren’t I growing?  I have committed myself to being a loving, devoted mother . . . why has my son walked away from everything he was raised to believe?  I have great self-control when it comes to eating well and exercising and (usually) saingy no to the chocolate chip cookies . . . why did I get sick?  It’s not fair! It doesn’t add up!

One day I was helping my son with his math homework.  We were going along fine, plugging in numbers, calculating sums, finding common denominators, and writing down the answers.  Until we got stuck on one of the word problems.  We must have tried it a dozen times, reading and re-reading the question, entering each digit carefully into the correct column . . . and each time the answer was incorrect.  What were we doing wrong?

We finally realized that, although we had the right numbers and were using the correct mathematical process, all along we had been using the wrong formula.  Our error was at the starting point!  Once we used the correct equation, we were easily able to figure out the correct answer.

We had been using the wrong formula.  The formula itself was accurate, but it wasn’t the appropriate one for the scenario we had been given. 

Maybe that’s what has happened to me.  Maybe that’s why things in my heart and in my life don’t quite add up.  Obedience = Blessing is a good formula, solid and proven.  It’s even biblical.  But maybe I have been using it incorrectly.  I have been basing my entire life on the wrong equation.

There is another equation that I had forgotten, a corollary that is perhaps a more appropriate fit for me:

Law – 1 = Guilty

James 2:10 says, “For whoever keeps the whole law, and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”  Sure, there may be blessings that come from obedience, from doing what is right and good and upright.  But I can never, even for a moment, hope to obey perfectly.  I am human, which means I will sometimes fail.  And as this formula reminds me, if I fail even once, it makes me guilty of all.  So maybe, despite my best efforts, I have not been keeping up “my end of the equation” after all.

So where is the hope?  If the Obedience = Blessing formula doesn’t add up, and if I am required to use the Law – 1 = Guilty equation, where does that leave me?  How can I ever find peace if I know that my best efforts will only add up to Guilty?

God + 0 = Enough

I have forgotten that it isn’t about me at all.  It isn’t about my good intentions or my exceptional obedience or my selfless sacrifices . . . all of the things that I believe are the definition of “doing what is right.”  No, it’s about Him, and what He has done.  He has taken all of my guilt and shame and imperfections, and has forgiven them.  Perfectly.  He knows all about my failures, and has chosen to love me anyway. 

And it’s about what He is doing and what He is going to do.  I don’t know how, but I do know that He is perfectly capable of fulfilling His purposes.  I don’t see it yet, but He has plans that will prevail and exceed my wildest expectations.  He is the God of the universe, the maker of me, the sustainer of all things.  And He is enough.

Faith = Righteousness

Perhaps, when I look back at my original formula of Obedience = Blessing, I understand it a little bit differently.  Maybe the answer lies, not necessarily in finding a new equation, but in correctly interpreting the definitions.  Could it be that obedience doesn’t mean do more, try harder, be better?  Could obey mean, obey God’s command to trust Him?  To believe His promises?  To have faith that He will do what He says He will do?

And what about blessing?  Maybe I have been expecting temporary blessings like comfort, uncomplicated relationships, good health, fruitful ministries.  So when those things don’t happen, when life is tough and teens rebel and the doctor says “cancer”, it leads to disappointment and disillusionment.  When all along, what blessing really means, what God intended for me, is righteousness.  Becoming more like Christ.  Seeing my faith strengthened and my character developed. 

Every time I choose, despite what I see, to take that baby step of faith, trusting just a little bit more that He is indeed enough, it honors Him.  Every time I choose, despite how I feel, to relinquish the fear and guilt, and yes, even the anger, and, instead, believe in His promises, it brings glory to Him.  It pleases Him.  And that is the reward.  That is the goal.  That is the blessing!

I love the story of Abraham.  He left his country and his home, not knowing where he was going, but simply followed in obedience God’s call on his life.  He obeyed.  And his reward?  Righteousness.  “Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised.  This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.” (Romans 4:20-22)

The Lord said to Abraham, "Do not be afraid.  I am your shield, your very great reward."  (Genesis 15:1).  I love that!  God doesn't give things . . . He gives Himself.  Could there possibly be a more precious blessing than that?!

Obedience = Blessing

When it doesn’t add up?  Perhaps its time to re-evaluate the formula.  Make sure I fully understand the definitions and the terms.  When it doesn’t add up?  It doesn’t mean that God failed.  It doesn’t mean that He somehow got the formula wrong.  That He messed up His end of the equation.  It means that I didn’t fully understand mine.

Could it be that Obedience = Blessing is the correct formula after all?  Maybe it is precisely the equation that God wants me to base my life on.  An obedience based on unwavering faith.  A faith in the One who is perfectly capable of fulfilling His plans.  A faith that is “fully persuaded that God has power to do what He has promised.”  A faith that will result in righteousness, and will in turn bring glory to Him.

God has indeed given me the right equation.  And it will always add up.