Broken Promises

She used to be fun.  Every time I would see her, she would have recently had an adventure with her kids, or was eagerly planning the next one.  The local zoo, the children’s museum, the nearby farm, the water park.  Her scrapbooks were full of her kids’ sporting events, dance recitals, school plays, and birthday parties.  She was the mother everyone wishes they could be.

Not anymore.  The joy is gone.  Now she is in a dark, oppressive, terrifying place.  It’s as if she has been tossed into the bottom of a deep hole, with no way of ever emerging.  No hope of ever seeing daylight again.  Now it takes every ounce of effort just to get out of bed each morning.  She struggles through the days, counting the hours until her husband gets home from work and can take over the simple routines and responsibilities that, for her, have become insurmountable and nearly impossible.

She sits next to me in the kitchen, a mere shadow of the woman she used to be.  “I can’t,” she cries, the tears streaming down her pale face.  “I can’t accept that this is God’s plan for me.  Why is He allowing this to happen?  Why does He hate me?”

A Healthy Heart

The slate of a new year stands fresh and clean before me.  What new promises to myself will I write on it?

I should write, “Eat healthier.”  I meant to do that, and for the first few days I even succeeded.  Selecting nutritious foods.  Exercising self-control.  But then, as I stood in the checkout line at my favorite little market, I noticed them.  The papery-thin dark chocolate almond cookies.  Well, there went my resolve.  Mmmmm!  They were worth every delicious calorie!

I should write, “Exercise more” on that little list.  I do enjoy being outside, and generally I try to exercise a few times a week.  But alas, the temperature has dropped well below freezing, the wind has become bitter, and the sidewalks are now slippery with a slick icy coat.  Much too treacherous for exercise.  Somehow the cozy chair next to my fireplace seems much more inviting.  And besides, I need to stay indoors where I can finish off that box of papery-thin dark chocolate almond cookies.  So much for a healthy start to my new year.  Sigh.

And that’s just the physical goals.  The aspirations that relate to the temporary things, like the body’s health, are really not that essential when compared to all of eternity.  So what about my spiritual health?  Are my heart and soul becoming fit?  Sometimes I feel stuck.  You know, like I am still struggling with the same “issues” today that needed work 25 years ago.  How can I grow?  How can I continue to become more like Christ?  Maybe if I just try harder, or have more will-power and self-discipline.  Then maybe I could get past the first few days of sticking to my resolutions.